Sci-fi/fantasy Pi Day rainbow celebration with tanks!

Want to know about our amazing, stupendous, super-awesome wedding? So do I!

Was there a theme to your wedding? What was the general gist?We love sci-fi, so it was a no-brainer for us to make that the theme of our wedding. And because we love Pi, too, the date of official Pi Day (3.14.15) was serendipitous!

We asked our guests to dress in sci-fi/fantasy/steampunk/comic gear, and prepare themselves for something not quite run-of-the-mill. It worked out just as we envisaged - about half our guests came in costume, including Kratos, God of War, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and Alice and the Mad Hatter.

Stargate, Firefly and Robotech played a huge role in all our designs and planning and informed the type of venues we chose. We’re also weapon lovers, so right from the start we knew we wanted to have the ceremony and photographs at the SA Museum of Military History, surrounded by tanks and big guns.

We used rainbow colours to signify our belief in marriage equality, and my sister and parents, who flew up from Cape Town, made rainbow ribbon wands and table runners.

Michael's favourite sci-fi is Babylon 5, so we had Sin Bin make him an Army of Light uniform. I wanted a corset to show off my tattoos, and had always wanted one from Arwen Garmentry. She made me an orange halter-neck with a Serenity spaceship hand-painted in gold, while Sin Bin also made my (brown) skirts (out of curtain material), along with my utility belt - I wanted to be a Browncoat somehow!We also designed our own rings - mine is Stargate and his is Robotech - so we started the sci-fi way before the wedding!Unfortunately we couldn’t get married in front of the mighty G6, but we still had tanks and guns surrounding us. We’d decided that we wanted someone we knew and loved to be our officiant, so to overcome the legalities we had a civil ceremony in the morning (which worked out perfectly as we were officially married at 9:26:53 like Pi Day bosses!). My ex-husband was our henchman and his wife had herself ordained as a Jedi Knight to perform our “real” ceremony. She brought a light-saber in lieu of a wand to perform an Unbreakable Vow!We made sure to do our our photos before the ceremony, which allowed us to greet guests as they arrived, calming our nerves and giving the sensation of a wave of joy as we entered, instead of the nerves a sea of faces would have created.

We had our henchparty walk in to the theme music from Angel, and then we walked in together to the Stargate SG-1 theme and walked out to Robotech.

As we are atheists and were adamant that we wanted no religion, we wrote our entire ceremony and vows, incorporating Klingon vows, the tale of how we met, and as many sci-fi and fantasy references as we could manage! Because Michael was afraid he'd break down if he read his own vows, we had Lauren read them out so that we responded individually or together. A big part of the vows was about how we were making our own family, like the characters on our favourite sci-fi fandoms. 

We got a laugh from the crowd when Michael started off by promising to stick around so he could see how my tattoos looked as I aged, and I promised to help him in his plans of world domination. 

Initially we were going to do a volcano unity ceremony, but in the end we settled for kitchen science and mixed clear vinegar water with purple red cabbage water, which mixed to form a bright red.

Instead of a first kiss, we fist-bumped, which is much more our style!

If you had a reception, what was it like?We held our reception at a sports bar, because the Military Museum wouldn’t allow us to play music after hours (since they’re right next to the zoo). Our wedding planner, my sister and my best friend went all out setting up and making sure everything was perfect - to be honest we had only the vaguest idea of how everything would look so it was a pleasant surprise to walk in to a beautiful set-up that evening.  

My mom and aunt sewed the table runners - my sister bought the fabric in Cape Town based on my requirements of rainbow colours and “something spacey”; I didn’t even see it before it arrived. We originally planned on having 3D-printed spaceships at each table - as the tables were named after our favourite fandoms - but the printer broke down exactly four weeks to the day and we had to scramble for something else. In the end, Michael suggested that we set up photo frames, so the last week was spent printing A4 images and having frames cut from wood, adding glass, and spray-painting them black. We decided to let people take those home and added a photo booth so they could also take home pics of themselves and have a second strip to put into the guest book.As it was Pi Day, it made sense to have pies as part of the meal. Since I'm allergic to wheat, we had wheat-free pies made from coconut flour with our favourite fruit and chocolate fillings, and Pi cutouts. We had a spitbraai (BBQ) for the main meal, and the caterer even provided for our vegan guests and made sure everything was Halaal so our Muslim friends could enjoy it too. 

Oh, and you know how food is often the most talked-about aspect of a wedding, and people complain about how they had to wait too long? Because we did our photos early, no one had to wait, we ate at a reasonable hour, and we provided takeaway boxes for everyone to help us finish off the food, since we abhor waste.

We walked in to the metal version of the Pacific Rim theme, and had nerdy music playing during dinner, while we provided sci-fi movies for the TV screens at the venue.

My sister read Scientific Romance by Tim Pratt as her speech, and I did the only other speech, as we wanted to keep these to a minimum. Our first dance was to the theme song from Firefly, and then everyone came together on the dance floor, where our mothers danced their hearts out!

We had a photo booth with lots of sci-fi and fantasy props, and our guests got to stick the photo strips in our guest book (which Lauren had made by hand) and take home a set for fridge magnets.

What was the most important lesson you learned?
Things happen when least expected, and it's easier to just accept it and move along. At the same time, when you make plans, try to envisage all possibilities and eventualities. We made lists of the type of photos we liked, and passed these on to our photographers. But in the excitement of doing our photos, we completely forgot to have our henchparty with us, so we don’t have any decent pics of them in our professional shots. It also took months to get our venue(s) - we'd wanted to do everything at the Military Museum, but they wouldn't let us play music at the reception, so we had to find an alternative.

Our wedding planner was worth her weight in gold on the day of the wedding. There is no way we would have been able to set up while having a civil ceremony and getting ready before rushing through for photos.

The main thing I found was to trust the people who'd offered to help - they were outstanding. We couldn't have achieved what we did without them.

It was also important to have Michael help me in the planning. I mistakenly said in my speech that it was his idea to do the sci-fi, but it was actually mine, and his support and encouragement made it possible and helped us craft a wedding that was true to us and what we love.

Photographer: Perfect Photographic  http://www.perfectps.co.za/
Corset: Arwen Garmentry https://www.facebook.com/ArwenGarmentry
Skirts, utility belt and Army of Light uniform: Sin Bin http://www.sin-bin.co.za/
Rings: Chris Winspear Jewellery http://www.chriswinspear.co.za/
Wedding planner: Stacy of A Bowtique Touch http://www.abowtiquetouch.co.za/
Pies: Thirteen13 Events https://www.facebook.com/thirteen13events
Caterer: Spitbraai Masters www.spitbraaimasters.co.za
Venue (ceremony): South African Museum of Military History http://www.ditsong.org.za/militaryhistory.htm
Venue (reception): Pirates Sports Club http://piratesclub.co.za/
Photo Booth: Funky Photo Booth www.funkyphotobooth.co.za
Music: Cream Cheese Professional Discos http://www.creamcheese.co.za

Check out the pics and ceremony wording at our wedsite, www.wormholewedding.com!

Skinny Bitches – do we really need more of them?

Debbie Logan of Organic Emporium sends out weekly emails to customers, containing newsletters filled with all sorts of info, from the usual recipe-laden food news to organic growing practices to her views on virtually any topic under the sun. I found yesterday's mail particularly interesting, focusing as it does on the Skinny Bitches phenomenon. I'm particularly disturbed by this trend, coming as it does in the midst of the battle being waged to sway girls' (and women's) minds towards either eating healthily or being conditioned into seeing any sort of larger figure as 'fat' - even if eating has nothing to do with the way they look. That's an issue for another time, though, and one that has been covered extensively by other bloggers.

Unfortunately, Debbie doesn't archive her newsletters, so the only way to show you her thoughts is to copy and paste.

UPDATE: Debbie has started a newsletter archive following requests from her customers

Skinny Bitches – do we really need more of them?

I find myself becoming as outspoken and as passionate about the notion that the quality of our thoughts has every bit as much an effect on who we are, as does our food. A toxic thought is as detrimental to our emotional health as a toxic pesticide on our apple. As this journey blazes on for me, I've learnt to distrust people who eat the 'purest' of foods yet toxify themselves and the air around them with an air of superiority over others, who are ever critical and judgemental of the rest of the world, who believe that most people are dumb and stupid and that really they own the marketplace on what one should be eating to be healthy. I've just been reminded about how obnoxious I find such characters after glancing over the chapter headings for 'Skinny Bitch' and reading some snippets of the book. I am not charmed.

I had my fill of encountering this type of attitude in the initial stages of this business – until I learnt to avoid sources of it – and it led me to critically question the nature of true health. It makes little sense to me to mess up your health by attempting to follow an extreme eating philosophy or diet that creates stress.

If you're physically becoming healthier but in the process becoming mentally dis-eased…I think you're perhaps missing the boat somewhat. Similarly, if your diet is an excuse to make yourself feel better than 'cheese-burger eating Jo' – I'm also going to question the health of your psyche. Seriously. If cheese-burger eating Jo doesn't think any less of you for eating what he terms 'bunny rabbit' food, then there's a fair argument to make that he might be a slightly nicer person than you.! Of course I'm not talking to – YOU – I'm talking to the symbolic figure-head, you know those self-righteous people that are obsessed with their diet and spend their lives turning their noses up at people who eat differently to them? Yes them – I'm focusing on the philosophy that creates that kind of attitude, such as the philosophy 'Skinny Bitch' seems to advocate. I use the word philosophy loosely here because I'm not too sure that there is much substance to this book or anything truly health promoting about it because you cannot build a mansion on a flawed foundation. It matters not how healthy or unhealthy the vegan diet they recommend you eat, actually is (and that is hugely debatable) - if it's built on a foundation of thinking that is based on myth and particularly – myths that keep you from leading a truly empowered life – it counts for nothing and it's going to cause you harm in the long run.

I'm adamant about this point and I find particularly passionate about it!

Believe it. If you are not sure that it absolutely isn't ok for anybody to tell you that if you aren't SKINNY, you're a 'fat', 'dumb', 'stupid dumb-ass' – skinny bitch words – then you are not in touch with your authentic power.

I'm getting to a point here – truly….!

So I've just received a delivery from Kalahari.net of the latest books I've ordered and they're all offer very contradictory views about life and food. Perfect.

I have 'Skinny Bitch' – 'a no-nonsense tough-love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous', (vegan), 'The Vegetarian Myth' – Food Justice and Sustainability, and 'Stitched-up – Who Fashions Women's Lives' by Stephanie Vermeulen.

The startling contrast between the opinions of these three books best reflects the vastness of opinions that I encounter and reflect upon in my journey of understanding our relationship with food in all its intricacies and most importantly how it impacts our health. Read them all, open your mind to listening to and reading all opinions and then decide what feels right FOR YOU. There cannot then, be one truth or one right. I don't believe there ever was one perfect diet.

It has just occurred to me that if these 3 books were having an introductory conversation right now on my desk, it would probably sound like this:

Skinny Bitch – you should eat a vegan diet if you want to be skinny otherwise you're a 'fat slob' and a 'stupid dumbass'…

The Vegetarian Myth – It is a myth that veganism is a superior form of eating, to reject the notion that something must die in order that something must live is to reject nature rather than embrace it..

Stitched-Up – who says that skinny is ideal and who the hell are you to decide that you're an authority on what I should be eating?

So it's going to be interesting reading and I'm going to share it with you as I go along.

I can tell you first off that I have an idea that Skinny Bitch is not going to be my cup of tea. I am angry after just browsing through the contents and the title alone says much about the negativity of its message.

DO WE REALLY WANT TO TAKE 6000 STEPS BACKWARDS AND REABSORB THIS HOLLYWOOD MYTH THAT SKINNY IS IDEAL – IS HEALTHY – IS SUCCESS – AGAIN?

Do we want to reinstitute this most debilitating blow on the feminine psyche – all over again – that a woman's curves are wrong and that skinny is ideal and attractive?

It's a myth so easy to blow and it originates from the fashion industry primarily – skinny made clothes look better on catwalks – it's a form of psychological enslavement to buy this myth – under scrutiny it disappears like mist in a sun's glare…..it is not going to make you happier to be SKINNY….the authors of this book are both from the fashion industry – no surprises there – and seem to think that to look 'good' which in their interpretation is almost emaciated is to be successful. Some of those more superficial creatures that are invested in the idea that what they look like defines who they are – yet – for all their skinniness, I wouldn't feel compelled to spend much time in their company at all.

They sound pretty shallow and obnoxious to me and I'd be horrified to have their very narrow impression of what physical ideal is around my daughter or any impressionable girl for that matter.

As a society we have exhausted this boring, superficial and empty notion to tears, it's tired and it's a lie.

Skinny didn't buy anybody more love and more success. The pursuit of skinniness has messed with the psyche of women for so long, caused death, poor self-esteem, endless misery, eating disorders and death. Can we not rather start aiming for higher ideals, like self-love, like self-acceptance, like healthy eating, like more giving and forgiving and more self-love – do we really need more rules and more diets? Do we really need any more self-obsessed, withholding, shaming, arrogant, self-righteous bitches? I don't think the world needs anymore of those. Call me old-fashioned……J

Skinny Bitch has been outstandingly successful – sadly. Woman are still attracted to rules, diets, shame and guilt – and there is enough shaming language in what appears to be a horrific book as far as I can tell for now. I can barely believe some of the sentences I've read….like this one….."do you really think sugar or hydrogenated oils or eggs or milk wont' make you fat? Sober up, asshole."

I'm not kidding! Here's another "give up the notion that you can be sedentary and still lose weight. You need to exercise, you lazy shit".!

I'm clear that skinny bitches wrote this book, I'm not yet clear whether it's got any substance other than the cheap shock tactics of some really crass language. It's rather catty and childish.

I'm sure it'll have much to say about diet and only AFTER you've started reading it, do you get ambushed with a vegan agenda .

Again, this makes me question the integrity of these woman?

If you pick up 'The Kind Diet' by Alicia Silverstone for example, it's clear before you open the book that the book promotes a vegan lifestyle. 'Skinny Bitch' masquerades as a diet/lose weight book and then within a couple of chapters is conjuring up the most awful images of factory farming as they introduce their vegan agenda. I don't think that's cool, I think it's another cheap and nasty assault, bit like picking up a book about 'love' and suddenly realizing you're reading a religious book punting one particular religious belief.

I'm all for people becoming familiar with what factory farming is all about and I'm all for that kind of awareness so that people can boycott that type of food and this horrendous practice of animal manufacture. This isn't the way to do it though, I don't believe. It's manipulative in the extreme.

I'm not liking this guys. I fear a book like this is going to cause some damage. Not damage that we aren't familiar with and that's what scares the life out of me. We're used to this rubbish right? It will reinforce some utterly rubbish yet debilitating beliefs about women and their bodies.

I'll write some more on this topic, for some odd reason I've actually been inundated with mails asking me to comment on 'Skinny Bitch' recently, as if people can sense something isn't right about it but aren't sure.

I'm getting that impression myself at first glance, I dearly hope the content will be strong enough to overcome its initial promise of bitchy superficiality.

At least if it doesn't offer anything more intelligent, I have 'Stitched-Up' to make intellectual amends. I also want to talk much about the contents of this book and particularly about what the author has to say about how we have culturally been indoctrinated to feel shame and guilt about our bodies and how this in particular has enslaved our self-esteem to false promises.

Right, enough said, Skinny Bitch has raised the hackles on my neck somewhat!

I'll be back tomorrow…..Let's not be skinny bitches, let's by healthy and wholesome and diverse and let's divorce ourselves from the notion  - for once and for all – that we are what we look like. It's debilitating and it's a lie and it isn't going to deliver. Most of us have experience of this and many of us have harmful recollections of having this notion thrown down our throats by the media particularly.

I'm for empowerment and the relationship between food and empowerment.

Please be very discerning about what you read, particularly when it hits on a vulnerable area of your psyche which just might be that you're not happy with yourself, or your weight.

All these 'trap' books – hook you with a promise of 'losing weight', 'becoming pure, clean and light', 'becoming disease free', having 'endless energy and overcoming all your illnesses and weaknesses and issues. There is no diet Nirvannah or diet heaven – where a diet leads you to a perfect body and perfect life.

You need to protect your vulnerabilities and nurture them to strength and wholeness.

The perfection you seek is found in a quiet place, deep inside you.

Food must honour your most loving relationship to yourself. You cannot use food to fix a damaged self-esteem. I advocate a joyous, fantastic and intuitive relationship between yourself and food. Throw out the rule books, you don't need them! Read beautiful, expanding, intelligent opinions – and it's all only an opinion – and take back your power – decide what is best for YOU and be careful of cheap and nasty 'diet' books that shame.

Choose wholesome opinions as you do wholesome foods.

Hearty bean and chourizo soup

Last night, while driving home, I had a hankering to make a huge pot of soup, so I could bring in a bowl every day during this cold weather. I stopped in at the William Nicol Pick 'n Pay and ambled around the aisles, tossing in what I thought would work. When I got home, I hauled out the slow cooker and got cracking.

This soup is kind of free-flowing; I guess you could ring the changes with whatever you like, really. I may give some ideas at the end of the recipe.

What you'll need:
Two large Chourizo, sliced
One or two large onions, coarsely chopped
A tablespoon of garlic
A handful of leeks, coarsely chopped
Three large carrots, peeled and sliced into rounds
Three large soup celery stems plus leaves, coarsely chopped
A double handful of parsley, chopped
Three medium potatoes, peeled and diced into thumbnail-sized pieces
A tin of tomatoes in juice
A tin of mixed beans
A tin of chickpeas
A small tin of tomato puree
Two litres of stock of your choice (I mixed beef, vegetable and garlic & herb)

Fry the chourizo, garlic and onion until browned, adding a tablespoon of water at a time to prevent sticking. Toss into the slow-cooker.
Fry the leeks, parsley and celery until wilted; toss into the slow-cooker.
Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well, until the tomato puree has dissolved.
At this point you can add about a teaspoon of sugar to cut the acidity of the tomatoes, plus salt and pepper to taste.
Cover the slow-cooker and set for 10 hours on low heat.

Ring the changes with spinach, kale or other leafy greens, red and yellow peppers instead of onions, bacon or smoked chicken breast instead of chourizo, and pretty much any other kind of legume you might desire. I imagine that courgettes and other squash would work a treat and I will be making a version with parsnip and / or turnip at some stage. Although I didn't have any available last night, I sometimes put the rind of an almost-finished piece of parmesan or pecorino into the soup to add some robust flavour.

Serve hot with crusty bread and lashings of butter.

Day of the Triffids

After a week of no MadCat - damn these night shifts and roadworks keeping him away from me! - he galloped his way home right as the shift ended, making it through the gate mere minutes before I was about drive off to work. It being Friday, I didn't really give a damn about getting to work late; love and kisses (and the best hugs in the world) are far more important.

A good thing, too, since it was a day of go-go-go, at least as far as writing was concerned - four company emails, one speech, two articles ... whew! In between, I still found time to copy wedding dress pics and links across for Miss M, and give her a little boost on the rightness of her choice in colours. After all - no matter how sweet Shopgirl is, who cares what her mother thinks about SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING? Honestly - if Miss M wants red flowers, or to wear a red dress, who is a stranger to say no to her ideas? Besides - with a nine-year-old daughter, it's not like she'll be wearing white, or even wanting to.

ANYWAY. Back home, to a (very tired) MadCat, who had drunk six cups of coffee at Iaculus' place in an effort to stay awake. Bad idea. SO BAD. Honestly, he looked stoned. And drunk. And demonic, with the red eyes.

But I was lazy, and not in the mood to cook. And I had (note the "had", i.e. before the bank SMS this evening) enough money to treat us to dinner. So I took us off to Ghazal for Indian food. Let me tell you - it gives Masala a run for its money! Masala's more home-cooked meal style (never a problem), and Ghazal is definitely top-notch restaurant grade. Not to mention the amazing service. And damn good prices. And linen napkins! Always a plus.

MadCat was a riot. He kept forgetting what he was saying and, at one point, I thought he might actually pass out in his food. Then the curry arrived, and that idea went totally out the window. We had to restrain ourselves from finishing off the entire lot, so we could take some home (with extra naan and rice) for breakfast. And what a fabulous waiter - Tapiwe J (from Zim).

MadCat's pretty funny when he's overtired. He goes into uber-MadCat mode - super-complimentary, even more earnest about praising good service, going into great detail, geeking out ... he's hilarious!

This morning, we had our leftovers for breakfast. Let no one tell you that curry should not be eaten first thing in the morning! Fabulousness.

Then it was the battle to get the damn Delicious Monster into the car. Ylva is now full of mud and dirt. It's everywhere! The DM was heavy, and unwieldy; thank goodness Rincewind and his team dug it out and clipped the leaves, as I'm not sure we could have done it properly. As it was, we shoved it into the back and pulled the leaves up through the sun-roof; then we turned around 2km from home and came back so we could wrap a sheet around the leaves and tie it down securely so that they didn't rip off and land on someone's windscreen.

Off to PTA (an hour later than planned), and Shopgirl and Bodyguard were almost panicked at the thought that we we'd get lost! They insisted that we wait for them at the Voortrekker Monument; I mean, come on! We have a bloody awesome mapbook! Anyway, finally we made it to their house, which - apart from all the clothes strewn around since her son has just moved back in - is a pretty good indication of Shopgirl's decorating talents. And she and Bodyguard look very happy; it's really sweet. I think we'll be spending a lot more time with them - she needs to find a new circle of friends with whom to bond in this new relationship. And I think they're both fantastic people.

Slightly twisted

A bit late, but here are the pics from Halloween. Not that anyone, apart from Deafboy and Adventure Girl, bothered to dress up - which meant that MadCat and I didn't, either. So sad. So boring! I should've done it anyway, screw everyone else. Oh well, at least fun was had by all - even if Sunshine and Guttermind stayed sober the whole night and left early!

On Friday night, MadCat wanted to crash early, but I insisted that we stay up and prepare the meatballs for the Flying Spaghetti Monster, make the lizard eyes, and create the Marzipan Mayhem diorama. Oh, the moaning and complaining! It soon stopped as his creative (and twisted) juices began to flow! Behold:

Halloween 2009

Yummy in my tummy

Madcat asked me to blog this tonight, so he can remember the perfect chicken salad and falafels. He made an amazing (as usual) roast chicken and potatoes for supper last night; juicy, succulent, slow-cooked, crispy. Delicious. The gravy from the drippings was one of the best I've ever made.

Today, we didn't feel like anything too heavy. So I took what was left of the chicken and shredded it, then topped it with about 15 halved cherry tomatoes, mung bean sprouts, an avo, a variety of baby lettuce leaves, and low-fat feta cheese. Tossed the lot in balsamic vinegar and olive oil, plus my secret ingredient - sushi vinegar - the best accompaniment I've ever found for avo.

Falafels were made from the ubiquitous Chilli Bites mix (to be found in virtually every supermarket in South Africa), chopped onions added and fried quickly. Super-crispy and delicious.

MadCat - not known for his interest in salad - got that faraway look in his eyes, that surprised look on his face, put his head down and devoured every bit of salad in five minutes flat.

You're welcome, my love.

Stuff and nonsense

I have spent the most unproductive day ever, sleeping late (and then having a nap an hour later), mooching my way through a leisurely breakfast, spending most of the day either reading or Simming, and being overjoyed when my fellow bridesmaids called to cancel our planned session to finish off the bride's gifts for the upcoming bridal shower.

Oh, wait. I did bestir myself to make my latest macaroni-cheese concoction, featuring the additions of pork and peas. Yum.

I know, a riveting post, as usual. I really should work on getting the interesting stuff out of my head and onto the page, not vice versa.

I know! Let's do a quiz. Because there's nothing I like more than writing meaningless lists about myself. This one is from the annals of history, no idea where I got it all those years ago.

A - Available or Single? Very much Attached, thanks.
B - Best Friend? Moosquared, otherwise known as Neek-Neek The Omniscient, soon to be most beautiful bride at the Wedding of the Century.
C - Cake or Pie? Pie. Not much beats a good apple pie.
D - Drink of Choice? Tequila as a shooter, or Southern Comfort on the rocks. Or with lime. Hmm, and Moosquared has introduced me to Glenmorangie Madeira. But how can I say no to a good Chardonnay? Oh, the choices!
E - Essential Item? My cellphone
F - Favorite Color? Lime, especially with a splash of SoCo
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Gummi bears. There's nothing quite like lulling your gummi bears into a false sense of safety before savagely attacking and ripping off their tiny little heads.
H - Hometown? Born in Cape Town but a Jo'burger at heart
I- Indulgence? Books and more books.
J - January or February? February, since it's the runt of the litter.
K - Kids and Names? 8: McGee, Eskarina, Ten-of-Six, Grumpy Bum, Insolent, Mojo, Izzit, Cloudstalker
L - Life is incomplete without…? Books.
M - Marriage Date? 28 February 2000 (in other words, I was a Leap Year ho) (Should I put my divorce date, too? OK: 29 June 2007.)
N - Number of Siblings? Two - a sister born three years to the day after me, and a brother just over a decade younger.
O - Oranges or Apples? Neither. Cherries are the way to go.
P - Phobias/Fears? Creepy-crawlies, swimming in the ocean - it's all that nothingness under my feet - high places that don't have me strapped to a big, strong tree, fire
Q - Favorite Quote? Bring out the salt and tequila!
R - Reasons to smile? One of my animals being a complete loon, as usual
S - Season? Spring. Heading out of the bitter cold, but before the strength-sapping heat of summer
T - Tag 3 people? Tempting, but I don't know any other bloggers personally and my buddies won't start just for this.
U - Unknown Fact About Me? I enjoy big band and swing (shh. Don't tell my fellow metalheads.)
V - Vegetable You Hate? Brussel sprouts. (Dammit! Since I discovered Heidi's brilliant way to cook brussel sprouts, I can't get enough of them! But there isn't another vegetable that I actively hate ... not that I can think of, at any rate.)
W - Worst Habit? Talking about ME
X - Xrays You’ve Had? Back, chest, most recently ankle
Y - Your Favorite Foods? Sushi
Z - Zodiac? Virgo, Year of the Rat

There! Since I updated the list from its two-year-old status, I feel almost like I've actually written a post.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Have your cake and eat it

I was doing a staredown with Mojo last night when I felt a gentle touch on my spoon, then a tug on my bowl - filled with heavenly, five-minute mug chocolate cake. I knew something was up.

When I turned back to my empty spoon, I said "bastard" as I spooned up another bite and MadCat almost snorted illicit chocolate cake through his nose.

Yeah, like I didn't know he was stealing my cake!

Incidentally: you cannot 'illicit' a response from someone, unlike 'elicit'. And this from a journalist! Words fail me.

The slow lane

So, having started with the best of intentions (isn't that always the way?), eating healthily, taking raw veggies to work for snacking instead of the two chocolate bars and packet of chips I was consuming toward the end of the year ... I'm already bored. See? This is my problem! There's a reason I used to have five or six different drinks on the same table back in the day! I GET BORED!

Of course, maybe the metallic taste of the courgettes or the odd sweet-bitterness of the peppers are affecting me. I just need to get used to their "true" flavour. And all that water and green tea's gotta help, right?

OK - I'm just going to keep thinking of the weddings. I do NOT want to be the biggest person in the photos! (Well, the biggest woman at the Best Wedding Ever, at any rate.)

Slogging ain't so bad

First day back at work. Nothing special, apart from the malevolent spider that crawled out of my car's ceiling, and then scurried around on the rearview mirror tauntingly, while I turned the car round and raced back home. Of course, by the time I got there, spidey was gone. It seemed to stay hidden while I drove back to work, one eye on the mirror. Hopefully it's been sucked up during the first valet poor Envy has received in over three weeks.

As for work, what can I say? It was work. At least I got a lot more done than I expected. And I even left only 15 minutes late, for a change, instead of staying almost an hour later than I should.

Still in pain - the Norflex seems to work for about four hours, then it's time for another. I can't wait to get medical aid so I can get this sorted out! Stupid me. Wish it wouldn't take so long to make up my mind.

Ooh, the bread came out divinely! Yay for gluten-free, corn and cheese enriched, home-baked bread! Going to have to try this as a savoury muffin mix, methinks ...

All okay

Thank you to my MadCat for saving the day and fixing the leak that's been sending my water bill through the roof. It'll take time, clearing that debt; but at least it won't be spiralling right out of control day by day. He and Ferret were a complete and utter mess, covered in mud, wet, stinky, but triumphant. Deafboy and I were the hangers-on, left to copy across the files for his wedding, delegated to fetch lunch and finish the cake while the workers toiled away tirelessly in the miserable drizzle, trying to fix the leak.

And in so doing, we were able to celebrate MadCat's birthday after all. What enormous fun, having The Circle around us, talking absolute nonsense as usual. Great sushi for all, blending the friends and showing MadCat how much he is loved. And yes - he is loved, by many more than he thought possible two years ago.

The tank cake was a hit, too - Li Ming Zhou and her staff took the leftovers afterward! I think I might enjoy making and decorating cakes ...

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Dinner with the beloved journos at Sumitra's. Good food, cold drinks, lots of laughing, serious conversation ... is it any wonder I love this crowd? I am at my most relaxed amongst my journo friends for some reason, or at least, certain of them. I can tell them almost anything. It's odd - I'm uneasy around even some of my ladies, but amongst the journos, I can say or do anything and not worry that it'll be misinterpreted. I miss that easy vibe, the camaraderie and laughter, the poking fun at all racial, political and social stereotypes and the certainty that even when we disagree, no one is going to take it seriously.

Sumitra's food was divine, as always, spicy and tasty, necessitating much downing of wine but also much ordering of rotis and a hint of gluttony. I just couldn't pass up those crisp rotis (well, actually, they were puripatha, the rotis had been finished ages ago), the chicken biryani, the lamb kebabs ... my stomach groans at the thought and yet I am still hungry!

Is it wrong of me to feel just slightly smug at the thought that I know a few famous people, by dint of my work association with them? Poor L was accosted by several different fans, who either berated her for being off sick / on leave from the show, or seemed to be overawed at being in her presence - even though she was in jeans and a t-shirt, face bare of make-up, no hint of glamour on her person (admittedly, she is freaking hot even without makeup, and to my mind, far outshines many Hollywood starlets in her trackydacks and takkies).

Spoke to A about financial concerns, the divorce agreement, worry about the house in Hogsback, his extra place in Umhloti ... even the rich are struggling, as evidenced by the fact he and C are having to put off their plans for retirement.

Hilarious stories about more insults to royalty or nobility (Rhino's not the only one, it seems!).

I love my journos. I must see them more often. To that end, I have invited myself round to A & C's in Feb. Yep - time for more peppermint-choc liqueur!

Lost and found

Benkei has closed down! The Illovo shop is empty, sign taken away ... and a recording that says it'll reopen on 3 January (yeah right). MadCat and I took a drive off to the Norwood branch, and fortunately, we phoned on the way. They're closed, too, but have been taken over by Real Sushi.

Well, sushi's what we wanted, so off we went.

At first glance, the place looks fairly decent - nice tables, etc. The ambience is gone, and there's a rotating sushi conveyor - not one of my favourite experiences. The menus are amateurish, peeling, laminated paper - not particularly confidence-inspiring. And there are no descriptions of any dishes. Still, we were ravenous by then, and they prepared crispy salmon skin - which is what we were craving - so we went ahead and ordered.

Oh, my! Light, crisp, delicious, super-fresh ... my new favourite salmon skin provider!

Yep - Real Sushi's where it's at.

(Prices aren't bad, either.)

The making of a legend

Picture the scene: MadCat has taken Pod and Ferret out for drinks with his friend Iaculus, so they can all listen to Iaculus's favourite live band, White Rabbit (a very good cover band, by the way). They're dressed über-casually, and end up in a rather spiffy restaurant (Voodoo Lounge in Linksfield, perfect for supper club, ahem). To ease their nerves at being woefully under-dressed, the ladies drink a couple of glasses of wine over a rather lovely dinner. Later, they all move into the pub where Pod orders several tequilas for herself and Ferret - after all, it's a Mexican night, and MadCat is driving, yay! I mention the amount of alcohol consumed as some sort of (lame) explanation for the events to follow

They get down on the dance floor, listen to some pretty good covers (and I don't mean simply 70s or 80s here, either). Some Good Charlotte, a bit of Green Day, Violent Femmes and apparently they even do Offspring and System of a Down (although not that night). Great stuff. Suddenly, hark: what is this they hear? A jalapeño-eating competition for the guys, prize a R300 bar bill. Well! Pod and Ferret are incapable of passing up jalapeños at the best of times, never mind when there's a decent prize at the end. Scoffing at the notion that this competition is only for guys, the two step up onto the stage and prepare for a feast - after all, Ferret used to eat these out of the bottle with a fork, and Pod can put away a goodly amount in one sitting. Should be a breeze!

The MC steps up, bowl in hand, filled with deep-fried, crunchy-looking chillies.

It's at this point that I, MadCat, being of sound mind and judgement (yeah, right!), must add my point of view. I had been energetically called to the stage by Pod and Ferret, and found a decent spot from which to note the (doomed) proceedings. When the bowl was passed to Pod and Ferret and they'd both removed a chilli each, time seemed to slow down for me, as my brain, having zeroed in on the "jalapeños", immediately set to work figuring out why those "jalapeños" didn't look like jalapeños. "MadCat," it said, "that's not a jalapeño. Jalapeños are long and thin, and green.". "Ah," I remarked, "Pod and Ferret eat these things all the time; they know what a jalapeño looks like; I'm sure you're mistaken." "No," my brain retorted, as my mind was filled with images of jalapeños vs. habaneros, "do I have to draw a bloody picture for you?" Immediately, my thoughts turned to me running up onto stage and slapping the offending chillis out of the hands of the two hapless babes (all in slow-motion, of course), while frantically nodding my head sideways and shouting "Nooooooooooooo!". By the time all this had registered, Pod had already inhaled two of the bastards, and Ferret was already reaching for a third. It was at that point that Pod gave the cutoff signal and vacated the stage with vigour. Ferret stayed, but only for a few moments longer, before she too succumbed to the habaneros' overwhelming firepower. "I told you so," said my brain, smugly. Ferret then also exited the stage with the vertiable determination of a crusading knight. Well, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. I shall now let you continue reading the rest of this sorry saga.

A vague notion crosses Pod's mind that these are rather small and fat jalapeños, but the countdown begins and there's no more time to think. Pod, Ferret and the three male contestants each pop a pepper into their mouths, chew rapidly and swallow. Down the hatch, and time for a second. As Pod pops it into her mouth, and bites down, her mouth suddenly sends a warning - this is NOT a jalapeño! Her throat starts closing, unwilling to accept this fake jalapeño and even trying to bring it back up, but she fights the urge and swallows what's in her mouth - after all there's nowhere to spit it and she's not throwing up in front of all these people! She turns to Ferret and slashes her hand across her throat, signal for defeat. Ferret, who is reaching for a third chili, looks surprised for a second - and that's when the bite hits her. She gags and follows Pod off stage, both trying desperately not to cough, heading straight for their table and the lovely beers standing there.

In less than a minute, Pod has downed a Hunters and has picked up Iaculus's beer without asking. Tears are streaming down her face and she can barely hear over the roaring in her ears - the roaring of blood sent into a frenzy by an accelerated heartbeat as her body tries to outrun the pain. Drinking is not helping; it's simply washing the pain further down her throat. To her right, Ferret is red-faced and wheezing, eyes streaming, an expression on her face that is normally only achieved by being tied to a chair and hooked up to an electrical torture device. They grab for the lemons in the glasses and chew on these; Pod spots a tot of passion fruit for the now-forgotten Suitcase delivered but a wee while ago, and holds the contents in her mouth, hoping the thicker liquid will help - but it's no good. Iaculus comes round the table and tries to tell them something about licking the lemon, not eating it. This is unintelligible gibberish. Pod grabs Iaculus by the shirt and snarls at him: "Screw the lemon, get us MILK!" Without a word, he turns and hurries off through the crowd - no wonder, having been confronted by a wild-eyed harridan who just breathed paint-stripping chili fumes into his face.

The two are searching frantically for something, anything, to put into their mouths, something that will prevent them from biting out their tongues and stamping on them to put out the flames, when Iaculus arrives, milk in hand. They seize the cool liquid and gulp, holding it in their mouths to wash away the chili oil that's hooked into their tongues. Finally, some actual relief. At least the roaring has subsided somewhat, although Pod would still like to take a scourer to her mouth and throat. Worse, every time she burps, she can taste fresh, raw chili. This must be what hell is like, unable to just make the pain go away. Iaculus steps up and offers to hypnotise her. At this stage, anything is welcome, so she closes her eyes and listens to what sounds like nonsense - concentrate on what the soles of your feet are feeling, can you hear what Ferret's saying (she's arguing with the waiter about what type of chillies those were), bet you can't hear what the people at the next table are talking about (us), are the soles of your feet hot or cold? Surprisingly, it's working; the pain exists, but it's no longer threatening to cause acute respiratory failure. There is a line of fire stretching from her lips to her stomach, which is roiling around in protest, but it's no longer hot lava. Iaculus is a life-saver.

Iaculus heads off to order more milk, returns to the table and reports that the three guys who were on stage are in the bathroom, crying and wailing, sucking up as much water as possible from the washbasins, splashing their faces, stamping their feet. This makes the ladies feel better. Only one person managed three, so they're not complete failures.

She phones Ffeog. What should they do? What did they eat? "Was it shaped like a bell pepper?" he asks. That sounds about right, confirms the side of Pod's brain that was actually paying attention and trying to warn her before she began this ordeal. "That was a habanero," says Ffeog. "You ate two? Maybe you should have your stomachs pumped." Great. This from someone who eats hot chillies for kicks and giggles.

The waiter comes over and refuses to believe that they ate habaneros. No, he says, the chef knows what he's doing, and he says they were jalapeños. The chef battered them and popped them in the deep-fryer until the batter browned. Basically, the contestants were eating raw chillies, seeds, ribs and all. The two insist that those were like no jalapeños they have ever eaten - not in shape or in taste. The waiter goes off to confer with the chef and returns, adamant that they are wrong. He's lucky not to be breathed on. The ladies are not impressed.

The fun is over; the time is coming to leave. Ferret goes to the bathroom and throws up, but Pod's not too keen on having all that chili come back up - a decision she will regret later. For some reason, the two start dancing again. Madness, I tell you! Finally, they drag themselves away and go and find the guys. Got to go home. The endorphins have kicked in and Pod is about dead on her feet.

Ah - bed. Asleep as soon as she hits the mattress, Pod is awakened several hours later by the urge to worship the porcelain god. This is a bad idea, she thinks. She doesn't want that chili revisiting her oesophagus. Nothing happens. Two hours later, however, a series of cramps so severe they have left her crying for her mommy, like a baby, have convinced her that the pain to come must be endured, if only to rid herself of the vile poison in her system. The chili hurts almost as much coming back up as it did going down. There's chili in her nose! Maybe snorting milk will help. The already tender spots at the back of her throat are now on fire.

This time it's MadCat who steps up to the plate. He offers her a Schedule 5 painkiller. A morphine derivative. Half an hour later, not only is Pod pain-free, she's floating. This is great. This is wonderful. Ferret awakes, and they go online to see just what the hell it is that they ingested. There's the jalapeño - sort of banana shaped, rather large - about the size of a middle finger. And there's what they ate - bell pepper-shaped, smallish - as long and wide as the two first joints of a pinkie finger. As Ffeog suspected - they ate habaneros. Two habaneros each. To put this in perspective, the jalapeño is 5,000-8,000 on the Scoville heat scale. The habanero is 150,000-200,000. This is not a fun chili. This is not something to use in a competition, unless you are a demon sent from hell. This is something that sends people to hospital.

It's several hours after the fact, but at least one thing is clear: Pod and Ferret can barely walk down the hallway. Their cojones of titanium are getting in the way. It might have been unwittingly, but they ate two habaneros each, and survived. The only thing left now is revenge.

Ferret interjects: So from my side the story goes like this: I have more balls than brains. Logically I knew what I was putting into my mouth was NOT a jalepeno, but pride is a dangerous play mate and I went ahead anyway. I knew something was wrong when I felt my ears begin to burn. Curious, one eats with one's mouth not with one's ears, how could my ears be burning? It was the first thing that registered because my mouth and throat had been singed completely and therefore had no immediate sensation. When I did regain oral sensation, I honestly believed I was going to die. My heart developed a murmur and my lungs clamped shut. They say you get a rush of Seratonin when eating hot foods but I don't believe a word of it - all I wanted to do was die!!! I did not cry and of this I am extremely proud, but I believe my face was set in a rictus grin of near death.

I could not hold the offensive chillies for long, and as Pod has mentioned, I deposited them in the nearest porcelain recepticle at the earliest possible moment. This was almost as painful as eating them, but I still believe it was the right thing to do. I can write all day about this BUT I won't. What I will suggest is that you try the same thing. Not because I wish to encourage you to expand your horizons, but purley for the selfish reason of wanting someone else to suffer along with me. Thank God, Pod joined me on that stage because if she hadn't she would have laughed her arse off at me, thereby making things considerably worse. Thank you, oh Loyal Friend. Stupidest thing I have ever done followed closely by rap-jumping off a 70-storey building.

The Fried Ferret.

Three foods forever

- Sushi, particularly salmon california rolls - fish, rice and veg all in one bite! It's perfect, 'cos I'd rather eat more sushi than have dessert. Chocolate just doesn't have the same appeal.

- Roast chicken with mixed roast veg. I have this at least once a week and I never get tired of it.

- Some form of pasta, with Putanesca sauce. I constantly crave anchovies and a rich tomato sauce. This is the meal I make as my comfort food, and I've been known to eat it three times in one day (yes, including for breakfast).

What to cook tonight? Definitely roast chicken!

Sushi goodness

What's your favourite restaurant?

Mine is Benkei in Illovo, on Rivonia Road. I'm a sushi fanatic (ya think?) and Benkei satisfies my every urge, and then some. And I can go there with folks who don't like sushi (yes, they exist!), because the menu includes noodly goodness too.

Ah, Benkei, it's been too long since I've entered your gleaming portals! Salmon belly, yum!