Stockholming myself - Day 9

It started out as yet another miserable, wet, grey day today, and both my favourite trousers are in the wash, so I went for something warm but still comfy - my green velvet pants. I always worry, when I wear these, that if I wear them with brown, I look like a tree; or with orange, that I look like a pumpkin plant; or with red, like a Christmas decoration. On the other hand, I often tend to dress all in green, which I sometimes feel is ... dorky. Can you see how screwed my self-perception is?

Anyway, because of my dumb-ass notions, I went for an off-green accompaniment with just a hint of brown, which would still be warm and accommodate my new brown jacket (which you've seen before and therefore will likely not be in any other pics except in the background).

Also in the background: my little Insolent, who currently requires isolation from the rest of the cats. Sometimes I wonder if she's epileptic, because she stares off into space in the middle of licking herself and is genuinely startled when disturbed. Then I wonder if she's bi-polar, because she has these moods in which she just will NOT enter the house. She spent three nights outside, with me leaving the lounge window open so she could at least come inside when no one was in that room. Bolted whenever footsteps were heard. Then came running on the fourth morning, when I opened the door, and yelled at me indignantly for locking her out! Now I know cats can be epileptic, but can they be bi-polar? Or have some sort of personality disorder? The poor thing is the most-bullied in the house - although she was partially responsible because she bullied the kittens when they arrived and now they've turned the tables.

I took the lovely Moosquared out to dinner last night and told her about the project. The one photo of her that everyone adores, she hates; to me she looks somewhat amused but tolerant (as in, "I won't kick your ass right this minute"); to herself, she looks zoned out and stupid. It really is amazing how badly our perceptions of ourselves distort what we see. She's a beautiful woman, but no amount of praise will convince her of that.

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players!

Stockholming myself - Day 8

A little frustrated this morning, as I wasn't able to add my previous Stockholming link properly, I think. Grr! Some of my comments (on other sites) also seem to have disappeared, which is a bit of a pain. So I haven't been ignoring y'all, and I haven't broken my Stockholming run, promise! I've broken my one-week barrier, which is a pretty good feeling.

Also, winter appeared to have arrived, both early and incorrectly, 'cos dammit, I live in Johannesburg, not bloody Cape Town! I do NOT appreciate cold, misty, drizzly days during my winter. I left Cape Town specifically because of the wet winters - the sun should be shining even while it's icy cold, or all is wrong with the world. Of course, I haven't actually experienced snow before, so I can't say FOR CERTAIN what kind of winter I'd really enjoy. But I digress.

I know the colours are off in this pic (as in most), but I always worry, when I wear my orange and black combos, that I look like a Halloween caricature. Not that many of the people with whom I work would notice. Oh, the silly things that worry us!

I've been thinking about whether I am actually using this project to improve my feelings about having a pic taken. When I'm with certain people, like at a Sunshine party, I have no problem leaping in front of the (timer) camera; we often take up to 300 pics in a night. Very importantly, however, those pics are only for the viewing pleasure of people who have attended one of these debauched sessions; I had a not-so-minor meltdown when Moosquared posted her favourite one of me on Facebook. I'll also smile politely at more formal occasions or work functions at which I'm not the official photographer, and I don't mind being photographed at weddings or something that's going to involve a commemorative album. So what is my problem, exactly?

Yeah, no answer here, not yet at any rate. 

As for TJ's question about when I'll stop - I really don't know, at this point. I don't have a specific goal in mind, so I can't say that when I've cleared out my wardrobe, or lost x kilograms, or dropped two sizes, or whatever, I'll stop. It's a little tricky for me to post every day, so that may affect my Stockholming run. When I find out: I'll let you know! 

Now I'm off to try and add my link and see if I can visit and comment on other entries (again; wish me luck. 

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players!

Stockholming myself - day 7

Today's a much better day, and I'm wearing one of my favourite tops. It's in a very soft crinkle fabric, which is great. I have taken to wearing soft t-shirts under all my tops and shirts that have a neckline lower than my collar-bones. This is due to my food allergy which has an unfortunate side-effect on my skin, and the subsequent annoyance of a not-so-pretty cleavage. Grr! It's not the dairy allergy, but the wheat intolerance - and there's wheat in virtually everything. Especially soy sauce! This affects my sushi consumption (although often enough I just couldn't give a damn - hence, the tops).

The jade necklace is also a favourite, and guaranteed to draw comments. Confession: I bought this for my sister's birthday several years ago, but liked it so much I kept it for myself. Don't worry, she got another lovely necklace instead!

Yay, Day 7! 

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players! 

Stockholming myself - day 6

A very rushed entry today, and not the first pic either, as those are on my external drive. I didn't get a chance to blog it at work, so sending from my phone before dinner arrives.
Today was a bad day, starting with a bad night's sleep due to McGee and a thunderstorm, resultant puffy eyes and a raging case of 'screw the world'.
Semi-corporate wear, incorporating a red fleece jacket as a pick-me-up (didn't work).
More later...

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players! 

Stockholming myself - Day 5

We had pancakes for breakfast because MadCat's jaw pain is kicking in, as promised, three days after he had the titanium rod drilled into his jawbone. Owie! So I've been puttering around in my nightshirt, and having spilled pancake batter on that, no way am I posting a pic! 

Inspired by the hoodies I have seen this morning, I decided to put on my Naartjie velvet hoodie (which creases badly but is oh, so comfortable). Not planning on going out today, so no make-up (hence the phone in front of the face), yoga pants and socks hand-knitted by my 91-year-old gran (okay, so she was 89 when she knitted them, but that's not the point!). 

Every year she asks me what I want for my birthday, and every year it's socks. Or a cheesecake. When I went down to Cape Town for my dad's 60th, I phoned ahead and asked her to make me a cheesecake to bring back up to Joburg. It disappeared within 24 hours. Same for the cheesecake she made for when MadCat and I went down for my mom's 60th ... and we did our best to hog the one she'd made for the actual birthday itself. Ahem. Mama Jo's Cheesecake: my personal crack. 


Here's my Mama: 

That's what I'll look like when I reach her age. I guess it's not a totally horrible future. I had a bad night last night, when I got home and saw the pics my friends had taken of me at the baby shower. But as MadCat pointed out, the pic that attracted him to my profile was taken by a buddy, not airbrushed, and showed my smile. So I just have to get used to the reality of what I look like when I smile or laugh, and that my real friends think I look lovely in those pics because they know the real me. It's harder than it sounds, but I'll keep working on, and hopefully this project will help. 

To answer some of TJ's questions in her latest post, it's definitely becoming easier to take (and post) the photographs, and having had people mention the difficulties they face in their own posts made it easier for me to post pictures I think are less than flattering. Is it becoming easier to accept myself in the pics? I'm still working on that. 

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players!

Stockholming myself - Day 4

Oops! Running a little late here - I have a 7th birthday party to attend! 

Here's one of my Jay-Jay shirts - it's glow-in-the-dark so I like to wear it to metal clubs. Monsters rule!


Different jeans today; I'm not sure how I feel about the seams down the front and back of the legs, but they're pretty comfortable in any event. They just have the most pathetic pockets, sadly. Good thing I have a holster for my phone, and I can fit a lipstick into one of the pockets! Honestly, didn't the designers think women carry cellphones? 

Trying a proper smile today. My feeling on looking at the pic is, meh. I can look better and be happier with my smile, I promise! 


Forgive the unmade bed; blame Eskarina, who insisted she wanted comfort (today she is being named Peskyweena for her insolence and bad assitude - she really puts the ass in annoying!). 

Edited to add another pic of semi-full-length, as close as I can get. 

 

Another addendum: I got back from the party to find a couple of pics of myself from last week, on Facebook. Since I'm trying to learn to like photos taken of me (that aren't in a studio and therefore airbrushed), I figured I should add these too, even though they're not full-length and not from today. In fact, these are even more important - since they're of my face and I HATE my skin (inherited from my grandmother and father and therefore genetically kind of ... crumpled) and double-chin-landmass (another lovely family hand-me-down). Fellow Stockholmers, you have no idea how uncomfortable it makes me putting these up, but I have to learn to at least get used to my face - if not like it completely.

Meh.

Well, okay, this one's not completely awful, since I'm always giving people the skeptical look, and the doughy chin is not so prominent.

Were it not for the presence of my two bestest buddies, Biker Babe and Moosquared, this pic would be relegated to the very back of the very last box of photos. Knowing that my chin eats my neck, I would laugh a lot less often if a camera were pointed at me regularly, so thank heavens it's not a normal occurrence.

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players!

Stockholming myself - Day 3

Here's another of my maternity tops; I particularly like this one 'cause it makes me look like I have a teeny waist, and emphasises the curves. The only problem is the shirt is quite thin so my belt is always sticking through (does anyone else have a problem with their jeans/pants/belts forming a lump in the abdominal area?). 

Still working on the smile; I tried an open-mouthed smile and just looked like I was contemplating bloodthirsty mayhem!


You've seen the jeans before and it's likely you'll see them again this weekend. Don't judge me! I only wash my jeans about once a week, unless I got particularly muddy. They just get softer as I wear them!

Adding this pic just to show off my daisy chandelier. When I bought this house, I thought, "kitsch!". I still think that, but in a good way. Hmm, I look like I have a bouquet growing out of my head ...



Damn, I really look like my dad in these pics! This is not meant as a compliment. I mean I actually look like my dad from the neck up, my dad with long hair and wearing make-up. This is not good. I shall have to try another expression, or get face-lipo, 'cause that is not his happy face. (Then again, at least this is not like my passport pic, in which I look like my ex-boyfriend. A problem, because he looked like Meatloaf at the time!)

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It's looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players!

* I have re-added the pics, so let me know if you have any problem viewing them - they didn't show up the first time.

Stockholming Myself - Day 2

Not at work today; I've got to take MadCat in to the dentist. So, I get to be far more casual, yay! 

Look, a smile! Well, I do have a nice smile, I'm told, except when I'm trying too hard (as above). But, that's one of the things I need to change, I guess. I don't know how I've managed to be a bridesmaid all these years and not get told off for the weird grin-thing I generally have going on.

Anyway, so: new T-shirt from Jay-Jay's, which cannot make up its damn mind on sizing - of three t-shirts, all XL, I had to give one to Moosquared (who is two-thirds my size and weight) because it was like wearing a kiddie shirt; this one is tight; and the third is close-fitting but not a second skin. Then the one Sunshine bought me - a large - is bigger than the rest! ANYWAY. I like the designs, so I'll just have to try before I buy. 

"Magic" jeans courtesy of Woolworths (I wear these almost all the time, particularly on weekends; my little trick to keep the zipper up is to attach a keyring, uh ... ring? ringpull? circlet? THINGY! ... to the zipper, and put it through the clasp of my buckle. (I have a major problem with my flies constantly opening and IT DRIVES ME INSANE!)

Today I am wearing my steel-toecapped workboots. It's been ages! But damn, they are comfy, and I foresee much more of them in my future with winter coming up - no more plimsolls (is that what they're called, those canvas-type shoes?).

Anyway; that's me for today. My, this post was quite chatty! Most unlike my usual drivel ... 

Temerity Jane is running the Stockholming Myself project and I figured, why not join? I hate having photos taken, so maybe this will force me to get rid of the rictus grin and lack of eye contact. TJ says: It’s looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance. Go check out TJ's Stockholming page and visit the other players!